"Dig in That Hind Parts!"

Keys to Victory?

Victory: Is this what it's come to?

I am going to take a slight detour to begin today's journey. Normally I like to focus on losing and losers in the aptly titled "Keys to Defeat." But let me just take a minute to talk about victory and my beloved Bengals as they find themselves in an almost surreal "win and you're in" scenario. I could sit here and analyze what the Bengals need to do to win, and actually started to do that with a good friend of mine (who is a Steelers fan that lives in Baltimore, go figure). But as he succinctly put it, as only a Black man from Petersburg, VA can, "Rush, I don't need analyst talk, I need yall to dig in that hind parts!"*

Ferocity the Bengals need

"And that's the bottom line!" The Bengals have to get after those little Raven hind parts period. The Bengals need to forget about the second half of their season, the fact that they are leaning on rookies on offense, their defense has slackened as the season progressed, Mike Brown buying the remaining share of the Bengals left on the open market, the injuries, their lack of a quality AFC North (or NFL for that matter) wins, getting smacked in the mouth already by the Ravens and Pitt twice, Simpson getting busted with distribution weight marijuana on his doorstep, their weak secondary, their 1-6 record against opponents with a winning record, and average at best O line; and walk right up (behind the Ravens), tap them on the shoulder and as soon as they turn around to see who it is, cold-cock them with a sucker punch staight in the face.

Sacko Flacco (I know, I know)

The Bengals really need to win this convincingly to prove to themselves they belong. (Although, I recognize a win is a win is a win in the NFL, there is something psychologically beneficial to diggin in some hind parts of the opposition). They have been getting smacked around by winners in the League long enough. Time for that little brother getting his head dunked in the toilet by his older brothers to cease! The Bengals can't take time to think, they have to play and play fast and hard, and this is how they can dig in on that hind parts.

This is a playoff game for both teams as the Ravens not only can secure the division, but they can also capture home field with a New England loss. The Ravens will not lie down or rest starters in the 3rd quarter. But the Bengals playoff lives are at stake, their very existence is being challenged and they must step up not only like they haven't before, but like it's the playoffs. Marvin has to explain to his young team what playoff football is all about, or better yet, he should bring in HoFer Anthony Munoz. Marvin has to tell his team now is not a time to relax but to get tense and fired up as if this is the beginning of the playoffs because it is. The Bengals better grow up real quick if they don't want to be stood up for the big dance.

*Explanation of "Dig in That Hind Parts"

This is a saying I've never heard before, but immediately understood as a play on the steet vernacular of "gettin in dat ___" (c'mon, it's a family blog, sorta). Gettin in someone's ___ is not sexual (at least not for the purposes of our conversation), but speaks to domination of a person/team by another person/team. Of course, upon further analysis my friend's phraseology uses the concept or metaphor of digging, which actually goes a step beyond getting in as digging signifies a focused and concerted effort to go deep. In other words getting in is somewhat surface level while digging in symbolizes an entrenchment or intent to stay, thus promulgating dominance...i.e. planting a flag in enemy territiory to signify that it is now yours which speaks to a type of ownership (that reminds me of the term "Owned"), which is often used in competition to signify dominance.

A hunting we will go

Of course the "hind parts" is a colorful and cleaner way to say "___." I should also note that the character Omar from HBO's The Wire (greatest TV drama ever) told some detectives that he shot someone (I think the boy Mike Mike) in their "hind parts." Thus, dig in that hind parts means he doesn't want to see a close game but he wants the Bengals to dominate from start to finish so that it really is not even a contest and the victory for the Bengals is assured and never in doubt. I love my Southern brothas who have great expressions, and colloquialisms.

Oops I Did It Again, and I'll Do It Again

Coughlin: "Glad to beet ya!"

You can't teach an old dog new tricks, you can't turn a ho into a housewife, you can lead a horse to the trough but can't force it to drink...take your pick of these idioms and they all apply to Rex Ryan. I don't know why I originally didn't write about this, but I should have. Rex Ryan basically did some major talking before the Giants game while Tom Coughlin took the high road and kept his comments focused on the game. Although Coughlin played it right in the media, can you imagine how he fired his team up with the words from the Rexicon... I once prognosticated a few weeks back that all Rex and his big mouth do week after week is add pressure to the Jets and create top notch bull's eyes on his team's back and bulletin board material firing up the other players to pound the Jets.

Jacobs: "We dug in that hind parts today!"

This obviously happened against the Giants. (I am not so naive as to think this is the sole reason the Jets lost, but you have to blind not to make a conneciton here). Teams love to shut talkers up. Rex not only talks too much but he also has too much pride and is foolish. It is this type of pride that won't allow him to take a hard look at Sanchez and his season and bring in a strong back up to compete for the starting QB job. The Jets owner will ultimately have to step in and force Rex's hand on this, if he wants to get back to winning and end the regression. Anyways, as obvious as it is to me and you that the Giants pummeled the Jets in part to shut Rex up, his foolish pride will not allow him to stop talking. He maintains that he won't stop talking and it is just who he is. I guess Rex fails to realize that his brash act, once refreshing, is now old and tired and detrimental to his team's success. Be careful Rex, you could be out of a job quicker than a New York minute if you don't take time to get a in a good long look at the mirror and find a way to bridle that tongue.

(New Look) Powerless Rankings

To say there has been a shake up in the Powerless Rankings would be an understatement. It is more like a seizmic shift of cosmic proportions that has taken place over the last 3 weeks. Even though last week the 1-4 spots were identical to the week before, I noted that it was just the calm before the storm. With Indy on a 2 game tear, and St. Louis and Tampa Bay continuing to come on weak; as I write this brief introduction, I still do not know who is going to fit where. I will sort that out in the next few minutes, but one thing I already know is that YOU HAVE A NEW BOTTOM POWERLESS TEAM (for the first time in many moons).

1. St. Louis (Barely keeping pace with Tampa at this point. It all comes down to this final week, although things look good for St. Louis as they go up against the SF Gold Diggers. This should be enough to guarantee them the quality of loss they will need to hold off the exponentially surging Bucs).

2. Tampa Bay (The Bucs simply will not be denied. They have been the coldest team in the League for 3 weeks running now and show no signs of letting up in Atlanta this weekend).

3. Indy (Drops 2 spots...apparently after dropping their first 13, winning 2 is enough of a stumbling block for St. Louis and the Bucs to fly by them. They will end the season on a 3 game winning streak, but will not drop out of the bottom 5 all together...although they could drop another spot depending on how things play out with Minnesota.)

4. Minnesota (Has a pretty strong hold on #4, they would need a colossal loss against Chicago to pull past Indy).

5. Jax (Is barely holding off Cleveland from grabbing their spot at 5).

Dishonorable mention: Cleveland (they are right on the heels of Jax for that #5 spot).

Well, we are getting close to our final Powerless Ranking of the 2011 season and the above 6 teams have really set themselves apart and earned a worthless place of dishonor. But alas, there can only be 5, so next week there will be no dishonorable mention, just the 5 most pathetic and Powerless teams the NFL has to offer. I don't know how the bottom 3 will finish, but Minnesota at #4 looks pretty settled and the #5 is down to Jax and Cleveland to give up over. Now you've seen by now all the playoff scenarios and know exactly what your team and others have to do to make the dance, but get a load of this:

#1 Powerless Scenarios:

I will take a look at the 3 horse race for that #1 spot and see what these teams have to do to get to the bottom.

St. Louis - clinches #1 spot with a convincing loss to the 49ers or a tight loss to the 49ers + wins/tight losses by Tampa Bay and Indy.

Tampa Bay - clinches # 1 spot with a convincing loss to Atlanta + a win/tight loss by St. Louis

Indy - clinches #1 spot with a convincing loss to Jax + tight loss/win by Tampa Bay + a win by St. Louis

Who would have thunk just a short month ago that Indy would become a long shot to be the most Powerless team in the League.

Are we family?

Random Thought: I was walking in to the office this morning and apparently someone had a less than stellar evening, evidenced by the chunks they blew on the curb of Hudson St. But as we often see in God's creation, there is absolutely no waste. As I observed pigeons feasting on the spoils of a meal lost by a chap or a lass that couldn't handle their liquor, I thought don't Ravens scavenge as well, and if so, perhaps the Bengals should not "dig in that hind parts."

Random Thought 2: Who would have thought that my friend's text would springboard me to the theme of this week's Keys to Defeat which ironically has to do with not only winning, but dominating? I would love to see this sign at the stadium: "Dig in that hind parts!"

Be sure to dig back in next week for the final Powerless Rankings and a look ahead to some of the playoff teams who have absolutely no shot at winning and may have been better off not making the post season and suffering mind blowing defeats. And with this, the last entry of 2011 I want to wish you all a safe and prosperous 2012!

Thanks for reading

God bless you in 2012 and beyond!