Give Thanks That the Lions Game Should Be Watchable

Happy Turkey Day! or is it Sad for Turkeys Day?

Welcome to the Thanksgiving Edition of the Keys to Defeat. Please read before stuffing your faces because if you try to read after those meals...put a pillow on your keyboard to break the fall. I just want to give thanks for all yous guys that stop by every week to see the happenings in the bottom of the league and elsewhere. That being said, LET'S GET IT!!

Bengals Recap:

Cut your hair NFL ball carriers, esp. if PacMan is in town!

It is really quite simple, the Bengals did everything they could to give away the loss, they outgained the Ravens on offense racking up an unbelievable 78 plays, and they controlled the rock for 33 minutes. What helped the Bengals hold off the Ravens and secure the loss was the efficiency at the QB position. Big Red threw the ball 45 times, 45 TIMES! (resulting in 3 picks). In order to extend this losing streak, just let Dalton continue to chuck it over 40 times a game. WOW. The Bengals are finally keying in on what can lose them games and that is putting the ball in the hands of a rookie QB 15 times too many. If they can continue to be pass happy, they will definitely secure a top 20 spot in the draft.

(What Was for a Brief Moment) The Orton Sweepstakes

Really? This is who you want to lead your team?

Kyle Orton was, in fact, in demand and that will be the last time those words are ever uttered again. For one brief moment in time and space, the services of Kyle Orton were a hot button topic in NFL circles as KC, Chicago and Washington seemed to be good candidates for places Orton could land. But, as I make my updates this morning, since writing this yesterday, the Chiefs picked up Kyle Orton (and are now really disliked by yours truly because I had to eras a good chunk of prognostication). For KC, it is a definite upgrade from whoever their QB is at the moment, but certainly not a difference maker. I fully expect the Chiefs to continue to plummet in meteoric fashion towards the bottom and improve on their draft position.

Garrard sidenote: Well, Garrard was the better option, the best option all season for teams in need of a QB until it was discovered about a month ago that he had back problems. So it turns out that the only reason the Bengals scored high picks (no pun intended) for Palmer was because Garrard was not available for Hugh to take. Keep in mind that career wise Garrard is just as efficient as Palmer, but of course less prolific. (Consider Garrard's lack of offensive weaponry during his Jacksonville tenure). Turns out, these NFL guys know what they are doing after all. I must apologize to the Colts front office for accusing them of tanking to get the #1 draft pick purposely. They are pursuing a historic season on the up and up, which makes following them even better!

VY

You want this guy to lead your team? Yes!

We like to typecast in the NFL so much, especially at the QB position. Say what you want about VY, all he does is win, win, and oh yeah, win. Forget about stats and your fantasy squads for just a second and embrace that old-fashioned concept of winning, of getting the job done, and succeeding against the odds. VY will win some games with Philly (despite DeSean Jackson's antics-see below). He is 31-17 in his career including the game won last Sunday for Philly. As far as win percentage of active NFL QB's, VY falls somewhere around 7 or 8. He may be a little nuts, but as he matures I think he will only become more effective. He may never fit the prototypical passer model, but he will continue to win.

The Next CJ2K

I saw a piece on cbssports.com that DeSean Jackson wants to get paid like a top 5 WR. Wow, is there any doubt now that Reid has lost control of that team. This is offensive on many fronts including but not limited to:

1. You are in the midst (AS A TEAM) of a disappointing and underperforming season and you are showing where your focus is...

2. You are serving as a terrific distraction from the team's efforts, mid-season, to get back into the playoff hunt with the talk of money...save it for the offseason.

3. You are putting a giant bulls-eye on your back and helping pump up defensive backfields across the league to stop you.

Do you ever hear players from playoff bound teams talking about contracts and money in the middle of the season? DeSean is a fantastic and exciting player but I just believe that he has revealed where his head is at and it is not on his team winning but on his status and money. This is something to watch for the rest of this season and especially next season. If DeSean holds out and misses camp, prep time, and conditioning, he may have a disappointing season (just like another young sensation this year), or worse yet injury. Mark me, this kid unfortunately may be the next young guy to take a step back. Now, that being said there is a time and place to talk about what you're worth and contract negotiations and all that good stuff, but that time is not now, and it is certainly not in the media.

Flex Please!

Funkmaster Flex

Are you serious? Another MNB (Monday Night Blowout). Goodell is saved by the luck of the draw next Monday night with the New York Football Giants at the Saints. But how do we get treated to KC sans Cassel in a prime time slot 2 weeks in a row. Pittsburgh at KC next Sunday night. (You know, KC was in our top 5 Powerless Rankings for many weeks even when they had won 3 games. I am not sure if they will be back in yet, but I still believe that they were terrible even with Cassel. I always believed based on my early statistical indicators that regardless of the wins they stacked, they were awful and I am being proven right, week by week).

Anyways, how hard would it be move Chicago at Oakland back a few hours Mr. Goodell? Have Pitt and KC move up so nobody has to be subject to this tripe except for Pitt and KC fans. I understand that from season to season teams change and that schedules are set well in advance, but we live in a day and age where information flies instantaneously. Take the prime time schedules out of stone and put them in Microsoft Word. Join us in this century Mr. Goodell.

Don't get me started on how I think fans should vote for the matchup they want to see on Sunday and Monday nights!!! Baby steps, baby steps.

The Original Cry for Flex:

The Original Flex (Alexander)

For longer than I care to remember Thanksgiving meant, giving thanks to God, family, friends, good food, good times, and Lions football. When I say Lions football, I am not talking about the new life Lions of 2011...I am talking the 2008 Lions and most of the other Lions squads of yesteryear. I remember hearing a couple of popular pundits several years ago make a push (more like a plea) to have the Thanksgiving day game be "flexed" to a different venue featuring different teams. A couple years ago I thought to myself, you know what, that makes great sense because the Lions are absolutely the worst year in and year out. Little known fact is that Goodell (after 2008) may have mulled the idea of taking the game away from the Lions on their way to the Defeated season (OK, not fact at all, but you get the idea). Well, the patience of Goodell and the rest of us NFL fans has finally paid off this year as we get, the Pack at Lions. After many decades of poor displays of football in Detroit, we will get a quality game with meaning and a potential great (but not impossible) upset.

Sidenote: I do not want to hear this game called Rumble in the Jungle or some other nonsense. The original Jungle was Riverfront Stadium in 1981 (wasn't it?) As far as I know the name Jungle was unofficially transferable to the new Paul Brown Stadium (although it has rarely lived up to that moniker).



Powerless Rankings

This is one of the weeks that I would have liked to gone to a top 10 (so many bad teams to choose from), but I like 5 because you get the worst of the worst in that way. The bottom is beginning to get clogged as teams are jockeying for position for the stretch run and the boys are definitely separating themselves from the men. That being said, one thing is certain, even with the challenges that lie ahead on the path to Imperfection, the Colts have a python like hold on the #1 spot.

Note: Please keep in mind that the Powerless Rankings are not a mere function of record (unlike some polls), but an ever changing mosaic of losers based on lack of effort, uncompetitiveness, trends, streaks, and raw gut instincts. There is a method (kinda) to the madness!

1.Colts (They are holding on to this spot with a Cobra Clutch. They will have a bit of a challenge in taking on the new #5 Panthers, but they seem determined to make history)

2. St. Louis (In any other year, the Rams would by far be the #1 Powerless team in the League, but the Colts perfect storm and complete fulfillment of Murphy's Law has trumped them so far this season)

3. KC (re-enters the fray after an extended absence from the Powerless Rankings, I could have put them in dishonorable mention, but I really think they are this bad and now without Cassel, as they say in Brooklyn, "fughedaboutit.")

4. Minnesota (After a while, we have to call a duck a duck. They have made some valiant efforts this season, but effort can only bring you so far, even in our Powerless Rankings-where effort counts!)

5. Carolina (The Cams offense is pretty potent, but alas, you have to play D in football as well)


Dishonorable Mention: Skins (losers of 6 straight, the Skins have gone from Darlings to Duds quicker than Kardashian's ex-husband-wait...does that make sense...John Breech if you are reading this, does that pop culture reference make any sense?) Tampa Bay (losers of 5 straight, they are barreling towards the bottom 5 at super sonic speeds) Jax (I just can't imagine they stray far from the bottom 5 with Blaine Gabbert as their guy) San Diego (when you drop 5 straight, regardless how close the games were, you get a dishonorable mention)



Colts Keys to Defeat

This is not a gimmie loss for the Colts, but if they continue to play the way they've played, especially in the last month, they will be just fine. Hopefully the bye week has not allowed them to lose focus on the Lilliputian task of going Defeated!

On Offense:

1. Continue to put the ball in Painter's hands.

2. Abandon the run early.

On Defense:

1. Be passive upfront by not blitzing and running vanilla straight up bull rushes.

2. Play man coverage on the outside.

3. Cheat the Safety up. Move the Saftey into the box so he can get lost in the middle and not provide deep ball backup to the CB's.

At this point, the Colts can not look ahead in the schedule. They have to be unfocused and lose one game at a time. It will be tough with all the media hoopla that is beginning to surround them on their historic run, but Caldwell has to step up here and keep his team shielded from what the gravity of what they are embarking on over the next month and a half.


Low Finance = High Comedy

Is it really?

Direct quote from marketing material of a bank that shall remain nameless: "And the larger your balance grows, the more interest you earn, with rates as high 0.70% APR (Annual Percentage Rate)." This is comical on many different levels. First this annual interest is nothing no matter how much money you have in the bank...in fact, the larger your balance grows, if your money is only earning a "high" 0.70% APR, then fire your financial advisor!!!

Let's see what $100,000 earns at the "high" 0.70% APR...hmm, $700 in a year. If you have $2,000 in the bank (which many of us don't) you can earn $14. Please put your money in a CD or a US gov't issued T-Bill...or better yet ,find an IPO you like and toss your money there and see what happens. The risk is incredible, but so are the potential returns!

Note: Please be advised that I am not responsible for any financial advice you have taken here as I am not a financial planner, expert, nor pundit. If you take your millions and pull them out of a savings account and diversify into a mixed portfolio hedging for risk, I am not responsible for any losses...however I will take 10% of any gains.



Parting Shots:

I really can't do any parting shots, because if I don't finish this thing up in a few minutes, my wife is going to kill me. So with that, I bid you adieu.

OK, I will give a parting shot...Gimmie Lions (straight up) over GB today!!!! Yeah, I said it. As always,

Thanks for reading 

Give Thanks to God today!