Jags Announce Move to LA

OK, Jags Do Everything but Relocate to LA (but Stay Tuned)


So, the Jags overhauled their entire structure, personnel, system, staff, and philosophy in a matter of hours. The only thing they didn't change was the uniforms...but they did that a couple years ago. I had a sneaking suspicion that the jig was up in Jax. I don't care how much the old or new owner says the Jags will stay in Jax. The fact is, Shahid Khan is a hustler (not a 2-bit one, but in a good hard working way), and he is going to follow the money all the way to LA. I give him 3 years tops. So, California, a land of transplants will get yet another professional sports franchise transplant with a nickname that makes absolutely no sense.(Or maybe he'll do an Art Modell and change team appearance and nickname). 


Bengals Recap:

The Bengals performed poorly in trying to pick up their 3rd consecutive loss, especially late in the game. For starters, their attack was too balanced. When they recently dropped 2 straight they got a little pass-wacky and that is what they need to get back to if they want to fall in defeat to the Steelers this week. A side effect of a balanced attack was that they controlled the clock, which limits the time the secondary can see the field and give up big pass plays. Lastly, Andy Dalton was too efficient and played within himself. There was a bright spot for the Bengals in that they were inefficient in the Red Zone. If you drive the ball and get down into the Red Zone and take disadvantage of opportunities against a quality opponent like Pitt, they will certainly secure a loss. Hopefully Gruden will not practice or expand on the Red Zone playbook this week. Each win the Bengals suffer from here on out will continue to drop them in the draft.

Before Namath v Ryan, There Was Tiki v Coughlin

Tiki in a take a dump on Coughlin stance

If I can't get Joe Namath bashing Rex, the next best thing is Tiki firing a shot at Tom Coughlin and any other Giant player that comes within the crosshairs. Just a little background that I'm sure many NFL fans know is that in 2005, Tiki announced his retirement...MID SEASON!!!!! (Last week, I wrote about DeSean Jackson becoming a distraction by talking money in an interview. But had I written a blog at the time of Tiki's announcement, I would have dedicated the rest of the season to bashing Tiki and possibly written a book on the subject).

From that point forward, well, let's just say, Tiki was not a fan favorite at the old Meadowlands. He was and is so absorbed with himself that he thought that in the 2005 season he would get some huge retirement tour/farewell from Giants and their fans but instead he got a collective yawn. Then The Tiki thought that of course the Giants would fall apart without him in 2006, but instead the Giants tasted of the Holy Grail by defeating the then perfect Pats for a SB victory and the rest is history. (It's amazing what can happen when you take selfish me me me ME players out of the equation).

Who needs Namath v Ryan? (OK, I do)

It seems that ever since then, he has gone out of his way to criticize (and I would venture to say even try to sew discord on) his former team, especially Tommy C. Tiki has made a good living in his post-playing career as a commentator, but he seems to be the kinda guy that can't leave well enough alone, possibly harboring a deep-seated hatred for the former organization who won the Big Won (should be "ONE" I need proofreaders!) without him. I ran into the latest story on NFL.com where in his latest barrage Tiki asserts,"After the Giants put on a particularly poor performance against the Philadelphia Eagles two weekends ago, coach Coughlin came up to the press lectern and said, 'We had 29 yards rushing, which is about as pathetic as you can get,' clearly placing the arrow directly at Brandon Jacobs and the Giants' starting offensive line, as if they either aren't good enough or weren't trying hard enough," (excerpt from RotoExperts.com). Wow, I thought the "Wedge" was illegal these days, but I guess Barber didn't get the memo. The only way this can get better for me is if Coughlin fires back at Tiki Rex Ryan style.

You Signed Up for This

Welcome to New York

Jets Safety Jim Leonhard was "disappointed" that Jets fans mixed some Jeers with the Cheers for Mark Sanchez during player introductions. Mind you that the Jets were coming off a streak that brought their season close to the brink of disaster and Sanchez played no small role in that. Also keep in mind that in New York, fans will treat the players who show up like royalty, but those who don't perform are going to get lambasted on talk radio, the internet and the papers, and they get booed. Now, it isn't like Philly  booing Santa Claus, but it is close. New Yorkers like results. You signed up for this, Jim, and as an old friend once told me, "if you can't run with the foxes, then get out of the woods." 


Note: Sanchez, however, takes it all in stride acknowledging that there is nothing more to do with it (the boos) than to play better. 

In a somewhat related note, it reminded me of the time after living in New York for a while I went to a Cincinnati Reds game. I was sitting on the 3rd base side about 12 rows up from the field, right by the bag. I forget who the Reds were playing, but they blew a lead and gave up a run on an error by the third baseman. At that point fed up with the opposing rally, I booed a horrendous drunken boooo (solo). The entire section looked at me in amazement and shock, and that is when I realized, not every sports fan/town is as jaded/spoiled as New York sports fans...funny stuff indeed!

Sidenotes

I just have one thought on the Stevie Johnson TD celebration that cost him $10K: Was the fine because the dance was? a)convoluted b)in poor taste c)excessive d)all of the above

What season is it?

In a somewhat related sidenote, Bucs QB Josh Freeman said, "In hindsight it wasn't the smartest decision, Gotta learn from it. No more shooting guns in season." (Unless of course it's wabbit season...seriously, lest it be said that Rashied misquotes guys, this is in reference to Josh firing a weapon at the shooting range, which is perfectly legal and American!)

Exit stage left, Herm

On a completely unrelated note, it's time for Herm Cain to bow out of the race. The guy is resilient, but the accusations pipeline is now open and will never stop. I commented on fb on his woes a couple weeks ago (before the alleged affair) that I wonder what rapper would use his name in a rhyme first (or if they would use his name at all being that he is a conservative). Now I wonder what they would rhyme it with...I have some ideas, but this is a family blog with family values (sorta)!

Powerless Rankings

Things are heating up as teams are continuing to jockey for position for the stretch run. Now, we all know Indy has a Fort Knox lock on the #1 spot, but now I will say that St. Louis has really settled in and fossilized in that #2 slot. The 3-5 spots are really still wide open especially with teams like Bills, the Bolts, and the Browns coming on weak. Anyway, here are your bottom 5 Powerless squads:

1. Indy (They still face a couple of hurdles to finishing Imperfect but they just cleared a big one losing soundly to the Carolina Cams)
2. St. Louis (It is getting to the point where the Rams will not relinquish this spot unless somebody steps down in a flaming and glorious spiral of defeat and takes it from them)
3. Minnesota (After not being ranked for a while due to their competitiveness early in the season, even with a poor record, Minnesota is starting to show that they belonged here all along)
4. KC (KC drops a spot after a valiant effort v Pitt on Monday night, but trust me on this, they belong in this top 5)
5. Tampa Bay (Cracks our bottom 5 for the first time this season losing 5 straight as they continue their meteoric fall to the bottom. In what may be considered a battle for the 5 spot this week they take on Carolina and will have a chance to solidify their bottom 5 ranking)

Dishonorable Mention: Jax (I suspect we haven't heard the last from Jax this season, well with the entire organization in upheaval and all); Cleveland (In a year they were supposed to progress, they end up going Cleveland); Carolina (The Cams stay in the bottom 5 was brief with the help of facing the buzz saw of defeat, Indy, I wonder if they will be able to make it back in); San Diego (No answers for the Bolts, losers of 6 straight, even if they manage to win 5 straight they probably don't make the playoffs, they are going to have to blow that thing up eventually and start over)

Orlovsky to Start for Colts

Does it really matter?

This is a great move by the Colts because Orlovsky has experience playing under the telescope of going Defeated. His 7 career starts came with guess who? Yep, the 2008 Lions, so Orlovsky should be able to really show the young guys what it takes to achieve Imperfection. Orlovsky is actually a downgrade from Painter, slightly decreasing the Colts chances of finishing Imperfect. But with their most winnable game remaining (Carolina) behind them, the Colts still look to be in good shape to finish the season weak and go Defeated. Over the next 5 weeks, they face @NE, @B-More, Tennessee, Houston, @Jax. The last 3 games are scary because in division games, you just don't know sometimes how unpredictable those things are especially against a Schaub-less Texans squad and a Gabbert-led Jax team. Wow, what a New Year's Day spectacle Indy @ Jax could be...

Colts Keys to Defeat

This is one of those times where it is like, "Should I even do Keys?" Barring the return of Christ, this game is as close to a sure thing in the NFL as you can get (which kinda scares me). Anyway, here are your keys:

1. The Pats must come to the stadium, dress, and take the field
2. Keep Peyton off the field (because I think he gives the Colts a worse chance at defeat right now than Painter or Orvlosky)
3. Make sure hell doesn't freeze over or pigs start flying

As long as these things happen, the Colts should cruise in a very easy defeat.

Who's Flexed?

OK, we should get a pretty good Sunday night match up with Detroit @ NO, but who in their right mind wants to witness the Chargers face the leaderless Jaguars? Seriously, can their be a worse match up for the national TV audience. I predict that this may be the worse Monday night Nielsen rated game in many years. Also on the NFL docket for Sunday, you've got Cincy @ Pitt at 1pm and GB @ NYG at 4:15pm. What the League should do:

1. Move the SD @ Jax to Sunday 1pm
2. Move Cincy @ Pitt or GB @ NYG to Monday night
3. If GB @ NYG is moved to Monday night, Move Cincy @ Pitt to a 4:15pm start

It's not difficult, Mr. Goodell, and I'm sure ESPN would not mind the switch. It's just common sense, Man!

Parting Shots

I said Palko, not Planko!

Wait a minute, you picked up Kyle Orton, a former starter and serviceable QB. You give him some reps and you are playing against his old team, which is always motivation for a player, the Chicago Bears. You know, Orton just may give the Chiefs a chance to win, right?...what what what!!!??!!!, you are starting Tyler Palko?????? This season Tyler has a 47.5 QB rating has thrown 0 TD's but 6 picks (I wonder how many were pick 6's). He completes a decent amount but is mistake prone, and oh yeah, he hasn't thrown a TD yet in close to 80 pass attempts. This will be disastrous for KC...eventually they will have to bring Orton into the game, so why not just start him so he can get in the flow earlier and give you at least a puncher's chance? Coach Haley, are you trying to get fired?

As usual Thanks for reading the

God Bless Us!

Give Thanks That the Lions Game Should Be Watchable

Happy Turkey Day! or is it Sad for Turkeys Day?

Welcome to the Thanksgiving Edition of the Keys to Defeat. Please read before stuffing your faces because if you try to read after those meals...put a pillow on your keyboard to break the fall. I just want to give thanks for all yous guys that stop by every week to see the happenings in the bottom of the league and elsewhere. That being said, LET'S GET IT!!

Bengals Recap:

Cut your hair NFL ball carriers, esp. if PacMan is in town!

It is really quite simple, the Bengals did everything they could to give away the loss, they outgained the Ravens on offense racking up an unbelievable 78 plays, and they controlled the rock for 33 minutes. What helped the Bengals hold off the Ravens and secure the loss was the efficiency at the QB position. Big Red threw the ball 45 times, 45 TIMES! (resulting in 3 picks). In order to extend this losing streak, just let Dalton continue to chuck it over 40 times a game. WOW. The Bengals are finally keying in on what can lose them games and that is putting the ball in the hands of a rookie QB 15 times too many. If they can continue to be pass happy, they will definitely secure a top 20 spot in the draft.

(What Was for a Brief Moment) The Orton Sweepstakes

Really? This is who you want to lead your team?

Kyle Orton was, in fact, in demand and that will be the last time those words are ever uttered again. For one brief moment in time and space, the services of Kyle Orton were a hot button topic in NFL circles as KC, Chicago and Washington seemed to be good candidates for places Orton could land. But, as I make my updates this morning, since writing this yesterday, the Chiefs picked up Kyle Orton (and are now really disliked by yours truly because I had to eras a good chunk of prognostication). For KC, it is a definite upgrade from whoever their QB is at the moment, but certainly not a difference maker. I fully expect the Chiefs to continue to plummet in meteoric fashion towards the bottom and improve on their draft position.

Garrard sidenote: Well, Garrard was the better option, the best option all season for teams in need of a QB until it was discovered about a month ago that he had back problems. So it turns out that the only reason the Bengals scored high picks (no pun intended) for Palmer was because Garrard was not available for Hugh to take. Keep in mind that career wise Garrard is just as efficient as Palmer, but of course less prolific. (Consider Garrard's lack of offensive weaponry during his Jacksonville tenure). Turns out, these NFL guys know what they are doing after all. I must apologize to the Colts front office for accusing them of tanking to get the #1 draft pick purposely. They are pursuing a historic season on the up and up, which makes following them even better!

VY

You want this guy to lead your team? Yes!

We like to typecast in the NFL so much, especially at the QB position. Say what you want about VY, all he does is win, win, and oh yeah, win. Forget about stats and your fantasy squads for just a second and embrace that old-fashioned concept of winning, of getting the job done, and succeeding against the odds. VY will win some games with Philly (despite DeSean Jackson's antics-see below). He is 31-17 in his career including the game won last Sunday for Philly. As far as win percentage of active NFL QB's, VY falls somewhere around 7 or 8. He may be a little nuts, but as he matures I think he will only become more effective. He may never fit the prototypical passer model, but he will continue to win.

The Next CJ2K

I saw a piece on cbssports.com that DeSean Jackson wants to get paid like a top 5 WR. Wow, is there any doubt now that Reid has lost control of that team. This is offensive on many fronts including but not limited to:

1. You are in the midst (AS A TEAM) of a disappointing and underperforming season and you are showing where your focus is...

2. You are serving as a terrific distraction from the team's efforts, mid-season, to get back into the playoff hunt with the talk of money...save it for the offseason.

3. You are putting a giant bulls-eye on your back and helping pump up defensive backfields across the league to stop you.

Do you ever hear players from playoff bound teams talking about contracts and money in the middle of the season? DeSean is a fantastic and exciting player but I just believe that he has revealed where his head is at and it is not on his team winning but on his status and money. This is something to watch for the rest of this season and especially next season. If DeSean holds out and misses camp, prep time, and conditioning, he may have a disappointing season (just like another young sensation this year), or worse yet injury. Mark me, this kid unfortunately may be the next young guy to take a step back. Now, that being said there is a time and place to talk about what you're worth and contract negotiations and all that good stuff, but that time is not now, and it is certainly not in the media.

Flex Please!

Funkmaster Flex

Are you serious? Another MNB (Monday Night Blowout). Goodell is saved by the luck of the draw next Monday night with the New York Football Giants at the Saints. But how do we get treated to KC sans Cassel in a prime time slot 2 weeks in a row. Pittsburgh at KC next Sunday night. (You know, KC was in our top 5 Powerless Rankings for many weeks even when they had won 3 games. I am not sure if they will be back in yet, but I still believe that they were terrible even with Cassel. I always believed based on my early statistical indicators that regardless of the wins they stacked, they were awful and I am being proven right, week by week).

Anyways, how hard would it be move Chicago at Oakland back a few hours Mr. Goodell? Have Pitt and KC move up so nobody has to be subject to this tripe except for Pitt and KC fans. I understand that from season to season teams change and that schedules are set well in advance, but we live in a day and age where information flies instantaneously. Take the prime time schedules out of stone and put them in Microsoft Word. Join us in this century Mr. Goodell.

Don't get me started on how I think fans should vote for the matchup they want to see on Sunday and Monday nights!!! Baby steps, baby steps.

The Original Cry for Flex:

The Original Flex (Alexander)

For longer than I care to remember Thanksgiving meant, giving thanks to God, family, friends, good food, good times, and Lions football. When I say Lions football, I am not talking about the new life Lions of 2011...I am talking the 2008 Lions and most of the other Lions squads of yesteryear. I remember hearing a couple of popular pundits several years ago make a push (more like a plea) to have the Thanksgiving day game be "flexed" to a different venue featuring different teams. A couple years ago I thought to myself, you know what, that makes great sense because the Lions are absolutely the worst year in and year out. Little known fact is that Goodell (after 2008) may have mulled the idea of taking the game away from the Lions on their way to the Defeated season (OK, not fact at all, but you get the idea). Well, the patience of Goodell and the rest of us NFL fans has finally paid off this year as we get, the Pack at Lions. After many decades of poor displays of football in Detroit, we will get a quality game with meaning and a potential great (but not impossible) upset.

Sidenote: I do not want to hear this game called Rumble in the Jungle or some other nonsense. The original Jungle was Riverfront Stadium in 1981 (wasn't it?) As far as I know the name Jungle was unofficially transferable to the new Paul Brown Stadium (although it has rarely lived up to that moniker).



Powerless Rankings

This is one of the weeks that I would have liked to gone to a top 10 (so many bad teams to choose from), but I like 5 because you get the worst of the worst in that way. The bottom is beginning to get clogged as teams are jockeying for position for the stretch run and the boys are definitely separating themselves from the men. That being said, one thing is certain, even with the challenges that lie ahead on the path to Imperfection, the Colts have a python like hold on the #1 spot.

Note: Please keep in mind that the Powerless Rankings are not a mere function of record (unlike some polls), but an ever changing mosaic of losers based on lack of effort, uncompetitiveness, trends, streaks, and raw gut instincts. There is a method (kinda) to the madness!

1.Colts (They are holding on to this spot with a Cobra Clutch. They will have a bit of a challenge in taking on the new #5 Panthers, but they seem determined to make history)

2. St. Louis (In any other year, the Rams would by far be the #1 Powerless team in the League, but the Colts perfect storm and complete fulfillment of Murphy's Law has trumped them so far this season)

3. KC (re-enters the fray after an extended absence from the Powerless Rankings, I could have put them in dishonorable mention, but I really think they are this bad and now without Cassel, as they say in Brooklyn, "fughedaboutit.")

4. Minnesota (After a while, we have to call a duck a duck. They have made some valiant efforts this season, but effort can only bring you so far, even in our Powerless Rankings-where effort counts!)

5. Carolina (The Cams offense is pretty potent, but alas, you have to play D in football as well)


Dishonorable Mention: Skins (losers of 6 straight, the Skins have gone from Darlings to Duds quicker than Kardashian's ex-husband-wait...does that make sense...John Breech if you are reading this, does that pop culture reference make any sense?) Tampa Bay (losers of 5 straight, they are barreling towards the bottom 5 at super sonic speeds) Jax (I just can't imagine they stray far from the bottom 5 with Blaine Gabbert as their guy) San Diego (when you drop 5 straight, regardless how close the games were, you get a dishonorable mention)



Colts Keys to Defeat

This is not a gimmie loss for the Colts, but if they continue to play the way they've played, especially in the last month, they will be just fine. Hopefully the bye week has not allowed them to lose focus on the Lilliputian task of going Defeated!

On Offense:

1. Continue to put the ball in Painter's hands.

2. Abandon the run early.

On Defense:

1. Be passive upfront by not blitzing and running vanilla straight up bull rushes.

2. Play man coverage on the outside.

3. Cheat the Safety up. Move the Saftey into the box so he can get lost in the middle and not provide deep ball backup to the CB's.

At this point, the Colts can not look ahead in the schedule. They have to be unfocused and lose one game at a time. It will be tough with all the media hoopla that is beginning to surround them on their historic run, but Caldwell has to step up here and keep his team shielded from what the gravity of what they are embarking on over the next month and a half.


Low Finance = High Comedy

Is it really?

Direct quote from marketing material of a bank that shall remain nameless: "And the larger your balance grows, the more interest you earn, with rates as high 0.70% APR (Annual Percentage Rate)." This is comical on many different levels. First this annual interest is nothing no matter how much money you have in the bank...in fact, the larger your balance grows, if your money is only earning a "high" 0.70% APR, then fire your financial advisor!!!

Let's see what $100,000 earns at the "high" 0.70% APR...hmm, $700 in a year. If you have $2,000 in the bank (which many of us don't) you can earn $14. Please put your money in a CD or a US gov't issued T-Bill...or better yet ,find an IPO you like and toss your money there and see what happens. The risk is incredible, but so are the potential returns!

Note: Please be advised that I am not responsible for any financial advice you have taken here as I am not a financial planner, expert, nor pundit. If you take your millions and pull them out of a savings account and diversify into a mixed portfolio hedging for risk, I am not responsible for any losses...however I will take 10% of any gains.



Parting Shots:

I really can't do any parting shots, because if I don't finish this thing up in a few minutes, my wife is going to kill me. So with that, I bid you adieu.

OK, I will give a parting shot...Gimmie Lions (straight up) over GB today!!!! Yeah, I said it. As always,

Thanks for reading 

Give Thanks to God today!

0-16 or 16-0 or Both

The Inverse Relationship between 0-16 and 16-0

Anybody have a clue?

What is an inverse relationship you ask? I don't know, but it sounds soooo right for where we find ourselves this NFL season. What are the odds of a team going 16-0 in the same season as a team going 0-16? Fact checkers! Is it even possible? Well, the 2011 football season has us on this trippy journey of 2 teams moving directly away from each other at the speed of an Aaron Rodgers 20 yard skinny post throw. While most will focus on the Packers and inversely on the 72 Dolphins, I on the other hand will be focusing on the Colts and inversely the 08 Lions.


Crown Em (It is quite an honor to work Denny Greene's meltdown into this blog?

While Denny says, "Crown em!" I disagree

I will not be doing any of the slobbing that ESPN or NFL.com or any other sports media will be doing all over Green Bay over the next week or 2 or 6. (Case in point, I saw ESPN.com article a couple days ago praise a packer D for their performance on Monday night like they were the 2000 Ravens. Guys and gals, can we please taper such enthusiasm. First of all they were playing the Curt Ponder led Minnesota Vikings. Secondly, they are 27th ranked in the League in total defense). The fact of the matter is, the Pack D is still a bit suspect to hand 'em the crown,  and in the immortal words of Denny Greene, "You wanna crown em? then crown their a--" Needless to say, that year, as adamant as Denny Green was on the point, we didn't crown em, we crowned somebody else (ironically enough, the team that is on the verge of running the table in reverse this season). So when everybody wants to crown somebody, I usually stay away from that.

With that, I think the much more interesting story is the team who goes winless. It is just as hard, if not harder to play 16 NFL games and at least not stumble arse backwards into a win or two. I know what you are thinking, what abou tthe 08 Lions? Well, I retort, what about the 07 Pats...I know, let me qualify. I am talking regular season...an Imperfect team doesn't get playoffs, (but maybe we should have a seeded playoff of the worst 4 teams play the week between the conference championships and the Super Bowl. Oh yeah, there's that Pro Bowl thing, but who do you think takes the ratings battle in that? 4 teams tanking like all heck for the dream of turning their franchise's destiny around or the Pro Bowl. The Golden Girls could beat the Pro Bowl in a ratings battle...anyways the Loser Bowl could be played the afternoon of the Super Bowl so in the span of what could be the most entertaining day in football you have 2 teams doing their worst to get the #1 pick and theoretically the best 2 teams playing in what in this millenium has been quite an entertaining game.)

Finally, no team will ever go 19-0 (or 21-0) if Mr. Goodell expands the season. It's just physically and mentally too rigorous. And yes, you heard it here first, the Pack will not repeat as SB champs if they go 16-0 reg season. So I choose to follow the Colts, who I still believe tanked purposely by not picking up Garrard.

Bengals Recap

No moral defeats here

Well, the Bengals finally came through  and picked up a loss.  They had done to them, what they had been doing to teams for most of the season this past Sunday as they only held the ball for 26 mins vs. Pitt's 34. Not only that, but Big Red actually looked like a rook a little bit as he tossed a couple of key picks in the 4th qtr. The Bengals got fat off a few weak teams during the first half of the season, but if they want to continue to pick up losses and salvage the season (against a tougher second half schedule), they have to continue to put the game on Dalton's young arm instead of leaning on the run and having Dalton manage and the surprising D. The Bengals are far out of the hunt for the #1 draft pick and even a top 10 pick, but a top 20 pick is still not out of the question if they can figure out how to pull things apart over the next month and a half.

Carson Redux

Just as I jumped on the bandwagon and began bashing "Pick Six" Palmer, he managed the stew out of the game v the Chargers for a great day while only throwing one pick. Thus, this is where Carson should settle in his career. Manage games and don't make mistakes. He needs to throw 25 or less times and minimize the mistakes, which depends on a strong run game and an average at least to good D. Don't get me wrong, he can still toss it for 300 or better on occasion, but if he gets too many chances, the Raiders will pay in pick sixes.

Evil Genius v Ingeniously Evil?

Suck my what what what!!!

Sidenote: It was reported in the New York Post that after the Pats ramrodding of the Jets, the Evil Genius (Bill Belicheck) blurted out-off the record of course-“Thirty-seven points on the best defense in the league, s--- my ----.” (This is a family blog guys, well kinda). Ryan of course responds today saying, “It’s something I’ll bring up to him after we beat them in the playoffs again this year.” Are you serious? It’s ok to be confident, it’s ok to even be a little brash, but when you constantly are putting billboard material up for other teams and a big bull’s eye on your team’s back, that is not OK! Jets owner Woody Johnson needs to put a gag order on Ryan, or a restraining order on the press to not come within 100 feet of Ryan. Ryan makes it easy to hate the Jets...seriously, when have people ever rooted for Belicheck, but it happened, against Rex

Voice Crying Out in the Wilderness (The Gospel of Flex)

Some guy posing as John the Baptist

I am the John the Baptist of NFL bloggers crying out to the NFL execs repent for your set in stone schedules and turn to the Flex Scheduling instead...We had another stinker on Monday night. You can not be serious, Mr. Goodell, that this is how you want the NFL represented. I told you to put Cincy/Pitt in a prime time slot.

The NFL is not like MLB or other pro sports leagues. Market size doesn't matter as much in the NFL. I know Yankee fans who once the Yanks lose, they are done with baseball. A lot of MLB and also NBA fans are this way, but not the NFL. The NFL can boast that as long as you have a good game with a solid matchup, most fans will watch. It could be Pitt v Indy (well, not this year but any other year) and that could score great ratings on a national stage. No way MLB could show the Pirates v Twins on Sunday Night Baseball.  Mr. Goodell, are you asleep at the wheel or do you just think the NFL will dominate forever? Because it won't, nothing does. Keep pushing the envelope and don't try to stay fat off yesterday's meal. (great quote # 1 of 2 in this blog!)

Aaaaaargh!!!! Cassel-less KC @ New England is this Monday...mercy Mr. Goodell, mercy already, now please flex these prime time match ups!!!!

The Miami Admonition

Nothin wrong with a low profile guys

Did anybody learn anything from the Heat debacle last NBA offseason? Apparently the Eagles were on vacation on the moon and decided to come back and declare themselves paper champs. Championship football teams are not made on paper but in the trenches!! (That's a great quote and if you use it, give me credit!) For the rest of history, use of the word DREAM TEAM should stop, it should be retired because there was only one true DREAM TEAM and that was the 92 Olympic basketball team with an assembly of the best players that EVER played the game, the winningest coaching squad ever to analyze the hardwood, the weight of an angry nation of 200M folks pissed that the US didn't win gold in the 88 Olympics...just stop, no more. Anybody that even attempts to utter these words outside of a reference to the 92 Olympic basketball team should be arrested, and publicly flogged. And with that, I honestly thought early on that Andy Reid could right the ship, but he can't because the Eagles have screwed up something more valuable than talent, and that's chemistry. Chemistry can't be fixed, it is what it is. So, if the Eagles don't turn things around quickly, they will go down as yet another paper champion disappointment.

The only DREAM TEAM, ever!

NFL Uni Police

These cleats are sweets

Just a quick thought, and this really burns me up being an original and kinda cosmopolitan guy who likes to push the fashion envelope from time to time. Chicago wideout, Earl Bennet was fined for wearing orange cleats. The NFL will continue to fine him and possibly even eject him from a game if he continues...But wait, isn't orange one of the Bears primary colors in their scheme? NFL needs to stop policing players from being individuals at times when it comes to fashion. I actually liked Chad's gold cleats but I could see the NFL fining him because they did not match the color scheme. C'mon Mr. Goodell, you have NFL prime time match ups turning into blowouts and you are worried about matching alternate cleats? Flex the freakin NFL schedule and stop worrying about player accessories. I HOPE THE BEARS ARE READING MY BLOG, BECAUSE HERE'S AN IDEA...THE WHOLE TEAM SHOULD WEAR ORANGE CLEATS (including Lovie and his whole staff)!! (If they do, I'm taking credit).

Powerless Rankings

The Skins, Browns, and Eagles are making a B line for the bottom. As the plot thickens...one thing remains the same, The Colts may be worse than the 08 Lions (and the 08 Lions are really starting to feel the pressure. Roy Williams conceded off the record that, "Indy is much worse than we were, but we are hoping that they can just catch a lucky break somewhere along the line, especially in a couple weeks against Cam and the Panthers.") They let the Gabbert-led Jags march into their house and open a  can of whoop-arse on em...Doesn't get much more pathetic than that. It was a Litmus test to see just how terrible Indy was, and if they had any fight left in em. Well, they failed with flying colors on both counts because they got no fight left, and they are terrible. Let the Countdown to Imperfection begin!!!!

1. Indy (Has opened up a 2 game lead in the race for the #1 draft pick, but forget about that, they are cruisin towards the Imperfect season)
2. St. Louis (even coming off a win, they are so entrenched in this #2 spot, it didn't really make much of a difference)
3. Minnesota (makes a resounding debut jumping to the #3 spot with a statement game against the Pack. Up until that point, they put forth great effort and were sorta in every game)
4. Seattle (so bad that even on the heels of an upset victory, they still make their Powerless debut)
5. Cleveland (momentum counts for something in the Powerless Rankings as the Brownies have dropped 3 straight in games NFL Films secretly plans on burning game film)

I know there are some controversies brewing as many of you are thinking, what about Jax and Carolina and even the Skins. All I can say is trust the system, trust the system, it will all work out in the end (and remember this is the Powerless Rankings, not #1 draft pick standings).

Dishonorable mention: Skins (losers of 5 straight barely missed out on the Powerless Rankings but I gave the Brownies the edge because head to head right now I think the Browns get the loss); Bucs (even at 4-5, being losers of 3 straight can easily land you in the discussion); Carolina (I believe in Cam, just not the rest of the squad); Jags (the bottom of the league is so non-competitive, that the Jags win combined with the terrible play of a few teams dropped them from the bottom 5)

Worth mentioning: Denver and Miami, both winners of 2 straight are showing signs that they are not at all serious about the #1 draft pick. Denver has actually entered the AFC West race with Tim Tebow at the helm.

Colts Keys to Defeat

There are no Colts Keys to Defeat this week as they have a bye to reflect on where they are and what they have to do in order to drop 6 more and live on in infamy.

Final Thought - Talk about Vegas Trap

Just checked out the early line on the Bengals v Ravens and the Bengals are 7.5 dogs in Baltimore...Wow! Vegas is certainly hoping many see the Bengals 7 point loss at home to Pitt and the Ravens loss in Seattle riling them up and say "in Baltimore the Ravens will crush them." Well, quote me on this, the Bengals will pound that spread into the dirt!

Final Final Thought

So, the NFL Commish can send me an email describing his league's efforts to take care of the guys of the 60's, 70's, and 80's who helped pave the way for the modern game, (a noble cause in and of itself). But I can't post on NFL.com if I mention the words "keys + to + defeat." I am not good enough to link the blog in NFL.com forums, but you can pilfer bytes from my inbox? That's just not right...

On a serious note...I just found out that Hall of Famer and former Bengals coach (who led them to the 81 SB game vs. the 49ers), Forrest Gregg, is battling Parkinson's Disease. My sincerest prayers go out to Mr. Gregg and his family.

Anyways, as usual, thanks for reading the

God's speed!

Can the Keys Adapt?

Luge (Large+Huge) Keys to Defeat Announcement:

When I started this blog, the intent was to cover the Bengals descent into the lower-echelon of the NFL, (just like I did on the old "Lot D" website in 2008), as they set forth on a mission for the #1 draft pick. The time looked right, Carson out, rookie QB, a still unproven D, young corps of receivers, uncertainty...If you go back a couple of months, the Bengals were the preseason darlings and pick du jour to get the #1 pick. But after some early signs of mediocrity, the Bengals have been disappointing ever since. They can't even buy (nor do they seem to be interested in buying) a loss. And so it is, as the Bengals have ascended out of the bottom of the league to respectability again, (and bought Mike Brown yet more time not to change the structure of the organization-which is still built to bring home #1 picks), I will not do a Bengals Keys to Defeat, (although I will still recap their games even if they can't pick up any more losses).

The Bengals Don't Suck, But Other Teams Do:

But therein lies the awakening; the bottom of the league gets laughed at and made fun of, but nobody takes their lack of effort in reaching the bottom seriously. That is when I decided that this blog would stay focused on the dregs of the League. As a Bengal fan, I often wondered to myself, where is the coverage for my poor, lousy team. Well fans of the bums, give me your poor, tired, pathetic teams, and I will make proper fun of them, satirically and sarcastically, just as they deserve. I will now provide analysis and Keys to Defeat on how Indy can lose just one week at a time to go Defeated! As for the Bengals, don't worry, as long as Mike Brown is running that ship, they will find their way back here. But for now...let's get it!

Bengals Recap (Yes, I am still recapping):

Dude, Where's my Bengals?

They have not had a 5 game winning streak since 88...Anybody know when's the last time they won 6 in a row was? Yeah, me neither, fact checkers! Well, the Bengals blew another loss late with a 4th Quarter comeback. 2nd half comebacks, shutdown D that any major league bullpen would be proud to call their own, I just don't know this team any more. The Bengals did their usual in giving up the loss running a ridiculous 69 plays (39 pass, 30 rush); holding the ball for 33 mins; 0 turnovers. While the Bengals looked like Bengals of old with 87 yards penalized, the Titans negated that with 100 yards given up in penalties of their own.

While the Bengals continue to disappoint, the Raiders are picking up the pace and looking to solidify Bengal draft position. Again, I don't blame Carson for holding out and not wanting to play for Mike Brown another snap (remember if Brown and family maintain control of football operations, that will be Dalton one day), but it turns out that a change of scenery has not helped "Pick 6" Palmer at all. Is it possible that after giving up a King's ransom for Carson, that Hue benches him? Stay tuned for that developing story.

I want to start a contest...Tell me what Hue Jackson is thinking regarding their trade for Palmer. Drop me a line or leave them in the comments section and I will highlight as many as possible in future weeks, esp. if Carson continues to pollute the Bay.

My own entry: "Motha!@#$%^"

KC Pulls Off a Stunning Loss:

Just when I took KC off my radar they go and grab an improbable loss against a top Powerless team in the Fins. It was not just a close game but a shellacking of monumental proportions. What's even more surprising  is that if I read you some of the stat sheet before telling you the outcome, you would bet me a second mortgage on your home that KC won:

This about sums up the game.

-KC was at home.
-KC ran 78 plays...78 plays!!! That is unheard of and should be a record. (Fact checkers, please verify!)
-They held the ball for close to 35 mins!
-KC only had 8 less total yards than the Fins
-There were no turnovers in the game.

This game should have at least been close, right? What was the difference? What turned what should have been a coming out party for KC into a rare drubbing at Arrowhead? The efficiency of Matt Moore!!! That's right, Mattie "Don't Hurt'em No" Moore! In his 5 years experience, he has a career passer rating of 75, but against KC, he was the deadliest passer of the day completing 17 of 23 for 244 yards and 3 TDs. That's a close to perfect 147.5 passer rating. So with that, the Dolphins dreams of going Defeated have been shattered by a back up QB...and then there was ONE.

Powerless Rankings:

And then there was ONE.

Quick side note: The 2008 Lions are primed and ready for this Sunday, having ordered 10 cases of Krug and shipping in Cubans (cigars not people) from Cuba. They won't say it publicly, but many feel this is the week that they will celebrate their immortality and infamy for one more season.

Indy has been the clear undisputed #1 Powerless team for at least 3 weeks now, but there position has been solidified by Miami dropping a loss this past week, but in other spots there has been a shakeup:

1. Indy (faces a tough challenge this week going up against another Powerless mainstay, Jax in the dome)
2. St. Louis (got back on track with a close loss in the desert, but it is only fitting for our #2 Powerless squad to give up a game in OT on a 99 yard punt return...and that is why they are #2...they have the Will to Lose!)
3. Seattle (making their debut in the Powerless Rankings, they are riding a 3 game losing streak to make a strong entry at #3)
4. Jax (moves up a spot, setting up a match up of Lilliputian proportions vs Indy)
5. Miami (their blowout win against the Chiefs almost knocked them out of the rankings, but they stay in on the weakness of only 1 win)

Dishonorable mention: Denver, KC (I know they're 4-4 and in 1st place in the AFC West-by the way, how terrible is the AFC West this year-but I have returned to the position that they suck regardless of their record), Arizona (a near loss to our #2 Powerless team keeps their prospects of cracking the top 5 strong), Cleveland (we all know eventually they would have to end up here, watch for them to move up), Washington (making a steady climb by losing 4 straight)

I know many of you may be asking about Minnesota and Carolina, but in our Powerless Rankings, just like in grade school, effort counts!

Colts Are Right Where They Need to Be:

They have lost all semblance of giving effort, losing in spectacular fashion 3 weeks in a row. We all knew it would be outrageously bad without Manning, but who knew they were planning their vacations and off season schedules in mid-August? And that is what makes this next item particularly funny:

Hillarious quote of the season belongs to Jim Caldwell: "I think our guys continue to fight, and I think you can see that they still give effort. We've just got to give them some more help and making certain they're in position to win." (This on the heels of the Colts losing their last 3 by a combined score of 120-24). This is a true "pants-pisser!"

The Colts have a colossal matchup pitting our beloved #1 Powerless team vs. our #4 ranked team, the Jags, in what will be a serious threat to the Colts Imperfect season. This game is going to tell a lot about the Colts because it will not be an automatic loss. In fact this is the least losable game (on paper) the Colts have left. If the Colts can make it over this hump, they may be able to coast to the Defeated season! But, let's not get our hopes up and just focus on one game at a time.

Colts Keys to Defeat:

On Offense:

1. Run the ball (esp. on 1st and 2nd downs). Take the ball out of Painter's hands (as ridiculous as this sounds, it's true)
2. Call long developing pass plays that allow for the pocket to collapse and Jax to get some pressure on Painter

On Defense:

1. Focus on stopping the pass. If the Colts put 8 and more in the box to look after the "Human Bowling Ball" the loss will be in serious jeopardy for them.

This is a serious test for the Colts. All of our hopes and dreams of seeing another Defeated team ride on these Colts and their perfect storm of catastrophe. Let's hope that they can underwhelm the Jags and keep the dream alive! Now, on to a final thought.


NFL Flex (Please):

Would you have watched this on Monday Night?

Once again, we have a Monday night match up that no one wants to see in Minnesota @ Green Bay, and is going to be a loser for the NFL and ESPN. (Even though I think Minnesota will cover the spread and make matters interesting, still no one wants to see this). The NFL should move the Jets v Pats to Monday night, and move Pitt v Cincy to the Sunday night game. (I know this would take the participation of networks and NBC wouldn't want to give up the New York and New England TV market for Cincy/Pitt) but, c'mon Mr. Goodell, you sir, are the sheriff and run tings, not the networks. Flex your muscle, and let's flex these games!


Well, tune in next week where I will give some Bengal recap, Colt reaction and analysis, other tidbits from the dregs of the NFL, our ever popular Powerless Rankings, and of course, the Colts Keys to Defeat.

Thanks for reading the

God Bless!

Are the Lions Rooting for the Colts?

Bengals Recap:

The Bengals are having a rough go of it this year in a very disappointing season as they are finding it difficult drop games that just last year they would have lost. Once again, against Seattle, it is hard to pinpoint exactly why the Bengals could not pull out a loss.

They played poorly enough on Defense allowing (as they say in the UK) a chunky bit of total yards, 411 to be exact, most of which was through the air. If there is one area of the defense that is showing a desire to lose it is the secondary. But the same can’t be said of the run D. Also the entire D, including the secondary tends to stiffen in and around the red zone, simply not letting teams get a sniff of the end zone. Also, they are not getting it done on special teams as they have continued to make big plays at inopportune times.

If the Bengals continue playing on this level, the season will be completely lost, and they may even have to mail it in and go for a playoff spot.

Keys to Defeat note: If the 90’s represents the lost decade in Bengals history, then the 00’s represents the rolling hills and steep valleys. There has been a small bit of success to point to in the past decade to mix in with the monumental failures that mirror the 90’s. This is clearly a time in the cycle of the Bengals where after an epic fail of a season, they bounce back playing a relatively light schedule. Combine that with Zim’s D finally taking shape and a couple of rookie playmakers and now they are throwing the 2012 draft pick out the window. Tough season, but this organization will overcome!

Keys to Defeat note 2: In addition to fact checkers, statisticians, and a web design team, I also need proof readers...Please sign up for one of these unpaid jobs in the comment section. Thanks.

In Other News – Saints Upset Rams!

New Orleans shocked the Rams by grabbing an improbable loss from the defeated Rams last week. What may be even more shocking is that the game was not close, the Saints managed to lose handily to the Rams scoring a couple of garbage time touches in the 4^th Quarter. The Saints did a great job of letting Jackson run free and stack up yards. Feeley threw it 37 times, which is the right number to pick up a loss, but of those 37 times could not manage to throw a pick.

08 Lions Publically Deny Rooting for Colts Victory:

Meanwhile, the Colts have solidified their place atop the Powerless Rankings, losing in grand fashion to the Titans. The 2008 Lions have not even had an opportunity to break out any cigars or fine champagne because the Colts are losing in such spectacular fashion. They are usually out of it by the half. I talked to one of the 08 Defeated Lions (who will remain nameless cause they don’t want to be the dudes who are seen as grumpy old men with nothing to live for than their place in the history books) and he told me, “Look, I’m really nervous, I mean we had a bad team, I mean really terrible, but these guys seemed to have packed their suitcases for vacation before the season even started without Manning.” Now, with the Falcons coming to town, it looks like the 08 Lions will have to keep their champagne on ice and their Cubans in the humidor for one more week.

I Don’t Hate Palmer:

"Reunited, and it feels so good"

You know, I used to hate Dillon and every other good to great player that came through the Bengals organization and left bitter and disgruntled, but then after a while you begin to think to yourself (at least some of us), maybe it’s not the players…hmmmm, ya think!? Maybe it’s the organization and the guy (and his family) who are calling the shots. I don’t know what Palmer will do now, but I hope he enjoys the rest of his career. Here’s a little video of the once savior of Cincy football: (If the link doesn’t work just search for it on espn.com…I need tech guys who can embed video, ok I need fact checkers and web designers, any volunteers? Don’t all jump at once…)

http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=espn:7183472

Powerless Rankings:

While our top 3 spots have remained fairly stable the 4 and 5 spots have been a bit of a musical chairs…with this week being no exception as 2 teams familiar with the top 5 Powerless come back after huge statement games:

1. Colts (who on their way to a stellar 1^st half 0-8 have also given up 252 points. If you remember from last week, the KtoD blog revealed the key metric to going Defeated was giving up 500 points, ala the 08 Lions who gave up 516…only here can you get such fine analysis!)

2. Rams (even with a disappointing win, the Rams are still undoubtedly 2^nd worst club in the League)

3. Dolphins (with a defeated record, many of you may be asking why the Dolphins are not #2, good question, fact is they could be, but I like the Rams better in that spot…the Fins are on the cusp though, they continue to apply pressure and who knows they have to visit a fired up KC this week)

4. Broncos (This team has to be crafted around Tebow if he is their guy, but until then…it is going to get worse before it gets better)

5. Jags (the Jags ain’t half bad but are dead last in the league in passing O…but you cut Garrard inexplicably. I will continue to rail on this organization for tanking. If you lose, lose with dishonor! They could take a lesson from Mike Brown in this regard)

Dishonorable mention: Arizona, Seattle

Keys to Defeat:

The Bengals come into this week with a bit of a challenge playing on the road against a decent team (more than 2 wins). So, while it will be a huge challenge to lose this game, it will be at least possible this week. Also here is an obvious note, I am not a fantasy guy, but I would bench CJ2K (what an awful nickname) this week against a cheapskate Bengal run D…

On Offense:

1. Abandon the run game. The Bengals can not control the ball if they want to lose this game, that means 20 runs or less with Dalton passing the ball close to 40 times…

2. Big Red throwing 40 times, but with the caveat mentioned above, running it 20 or less.

3. Be unbalanced. The perfect imbalance would be 40 pass and 20 run…rely on Dalton and stop eating up that clock. Control of the clock is an enemy of defeat, which the Bengals need desperately.

On Defense:

1. Focus on Chris Johnson and the Titans run. Play at least 8 in the box at all times, the whole game without variation.

2. Leave the CBs on an island. Trust them to hold their men down and prevent the big play while everybody is in the box keying on Johnson.

Special Teams:

Must not make big plays.

This game is the first losable game the Bengals have had in about a month, so we will see what they do with their opportunity. Will they continue to slide further and further down in draft position or will they make a stand and stop the slide and begin to make their run for a better pick. We shall see.

One Last Thought:

Even if the Bengals totally blow it this season and make the playoffs, if the Raiders should tank, the Bengals could still get their high 2012 draft pick, so this blog will be watching Carson Palmer and the Raiders with great interest.

OK, maybe 2 last thoughts: May the good Lord have mercy on anybody mocking our (me and Tebow's) faith in Jesus Christ. That is all. 

Join me next Thursday for the Bengals recap (where I wouldn’t be surprised if they held CJ to negative yards), news from the bottom of the NFL, the Powerless Rankings and your Keys to Defeat!

As usual, thanks for reading

God Bless!