Well, the Bengals give epic fail new meaning as they lose in spectacular fashion in what had to be one of the most unwatchable games ever played in the NFL. Any time an NFL team scores 8, you know that the game lacked a variety of things, offense being the most obvious. Things appear to be "bengalizing" (this is a new term I've coined which is the opposite of crystalizing, it indicates that everything is coming together imperfectly to form the worst possible outcome) quite nicely. "Chronicgate" has taken a toll on this young team. The young receiving corps is obviously depleted. Ced is suspended (in a contract year he is basically pissing away money right now, unbelievable). The coaches are making some pretty Bengalesque decisions. Marvin is now putting the pressure on the young team by guaranteeing a victory against the Ryan Fitzpatrick led (did I just say that?) Bills. I will talk more about the Bengals later in my recap and in the much anticipated "Powerless Rankings"The NFL Revolution Will Be Televised!
So, 3-0 walks into a bar and says to Green Bay Packers, "You, I know!"
3-0 then walks up to the Bills and says, "You, I kinda remember. Good to see you again."
3-0 then approaches the Lions and says, "Who the hell are you?"
When did these guys come out of retirement? And how did the Lions go from achieving Imperfection, 0-16, and snatching all the Bengals hopes and dreams away in the process, just a few short seasons ago to finding ways to win the close ball games-against the Pats no less-to go 3-0? These are great stories no doubt, but these 2 losers are not poster boys of parody in the NFL (as both have been terrible for far too long) but rather the theorem that: Even a Dog's Hind Quarters Catches a Little Sunshine Now and Again.
How long will it last? Not long. I have total confidence in both squads to make a serious push for the Powerless Rankings, even starting at an almost insurmountable 3-0. Don't get me wrong, parody in the NFL is alive and well, but seriously that parody ship has long since sailed on both the Buffalo and Detroit franchises. Both are the dog's rear end in this league and they happen to be facing West this morning. (It is interesting to note that even Detroit has a GM, Mike Brown).
Broadway Joe (Who Called His Shot in SBIII) Calls Rex Ryan's Jets Overconfident:
Wow. Namath calling Rex Ryan overconfident is like Jerome Simpson accusing Redman of being a pot head. I'd say it is pretty confident to make your move and lean in on Kolber for some smooch on national TV, wouldn't you?It was brutal watching Romo get pounded last night...Ouch, tough guy though.
Speaking of getting pounded, Note to Jim Irsay, regardless of Peyton's contract status, force the man to take the season off. It's not like he is going to come back in December and lead the Colts on a playoff push. Why risk it? Just to say Peyton played some final games as a Colt or to boost ticket sales. Don't be a Mike Brown. Matter of fact, the closer I look at this Colts QB situation, they are looking more and more like the Bengals in that front office. You're MVP QB is not ready to play and you bring in the 76 year old Collin. Meanwhile, Garrard is sitting around playing Uno somewhere. You don't even look for your QB of the future in the draft? How long do you expect Manning to play. What happened to the perennial clipboarder Sorgi? Colts are going from being a powerhouse to an outhouse quickly.
Remember Keyshawn Johnson's book, "Just Give Me the Damn Ball"? Well, turns out that someone has a legitimate right to demand that him and the rock spend more quality time together and that is non other than one of the best RBs in the game today, Adrian Peterson. His father has come out and pondered about his boy's lack of carries, but I think everybody is pondering that. C'mon Leslie, (of former Bengals fame). Is the stench of Bengaldom blowing in the northwesterly direction and affecting your game planning...Who is the QB in Minnesota? Tavaris Jackson? You are trusting your team success (or failure), your career and reputation on Tavaris, or whoever the QB for the Vikes is? C'mon Leslie, get it together and just give AP the daggone ball!!!!
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| Marv's blank gaze indicates Bungilization |
I couldn't find highlights of this game on NFL Mobile...Announcers everywhere rose in angry protest to their producers not to have to show highlights of this game...they even threatened walking out...It is being reported on the street that NFL Films is taking the footage of this game and is burning it...High school teams all over will watch this tape as a tutorial on what not to do...just awful!
This won't take long...I am ready for the Powerless Rankings, and so are you. The Bengals had a "marv"elous loss yesterday. They seem to finally be keying in on what they need to do to drop games. The Bengals did what they needed to do to overcome the 49ers who could win the NFC West this year with a 6-10 record. The offense played imperfectly! and the defense let just enough of the Alex Smith aerial assault to shine to drop the game. Here are some keys to the Bengals big loss:
-The Bengals finally turned the ball over
-They only got off 53 plays on offense...
-They continue to post a dim 3rd down conversion rate
-They only ran a paltry 20 times...in a "tight" game thus, letting SF control the clock...Classic Lewis and the new guy, what's his name seems to be catching on quickly on how to call screwy games.
-They did not cover Vernon Davis...Bengals fans have complained for years about how they can't defend a tight end, Zimmer is supposed to be some defensive guru (and so was Marvin). Ha! Or maybe Vernon is a beast and can't be stopped by anybody...who knows? Could Zimmer be Bengalized (to be worn down spiritually, mentally, and physically by the utter incompetence and seeming apathy of the front office to the point where as a coach, you may walk around with a blank stare on your face or a confused daze, much like the Marvin Lewis photo above) already? I mean they did let one of his young defensive studs go in Jonathan Joseph...
The Bengals tried their best to play their way into the Powerless Rankings, but they still might not have done enough...the bottom of the league is thick this year and it is clogged, which is making me think I should have waited another couple of weeks before pulling out the rankings. The dregs of the league are deep so far this year. Without further adieu, here are your
POWERLESS RANKINGS:
Note: I assure you these rankings are objective and I will not show the Bengals any impartial treatment here.
1. Kansas City - Even with a decent effort shown against the Bolts, they are still locked in this week at the 1 spot.
2. St. Louis - Funny thing is they can still come back and win the NFC West...and still make the 5 most Powerless teams in the league.
3. Indy - Apparently Peyton Manning should've been paid billions.
4. Miami - They need Lebron at tight end.
5. Seattle - You've heard of Seattle's Best, well try Seattle's Worst
Dishonorable mention: Jacksonville, Minnesota
Yep, your Bengals have to do even less if they are going to get a sniff (pun intended) of these rankings. As bad as they are, they will have to decline at an alarming rate to keep up with this bunch...I can't remember the bottom being so deep in the NFL...And yes, I only do the bottom 5 because this list is exclusive and reserved for only the worst!
Thanks for reading the...
God bless!
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